she looked like the before picture.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
