Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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