He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
