Sponge bath it is.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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