You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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