she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And then he peed in my hair
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