So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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