They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
