i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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