Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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