the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
