I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
try to milk me bitch
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
