I love black thongs
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
