We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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