I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
