I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
