Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
