covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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