haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
