did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize