Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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