Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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