I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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