apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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