The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I touched a dick in church today
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
