Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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