my mouth tastes like poor choices
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
