I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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