you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
