In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
