So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
