I think i peed on brittanys purse
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize