I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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