Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
