would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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