She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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