How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
