his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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