i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
