But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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