the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
