I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
handjob tips. give me some.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
