I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
