She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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