i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize