my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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