yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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