it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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