my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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