Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So squirting runs in the family.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You ruined the universe
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
