my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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