1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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