i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
