I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
