I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
