no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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