Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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