if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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