She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
