I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
