I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize