We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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