He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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