oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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