i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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