Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
