no, he came in my armpit
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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