what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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