Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
