clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
