So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
